When I was hired at Agoura High School back in 2004, I never would have thought it would be so hard to leave. For one thing, I chose to go into the Credential/Master's Program because it was only a year long and it sounded like the perfect way for me to earn money while Andrew finished school. Sure, years and years ago I thought I would want ot be a teacher, but once I went through college and studied Sociology, I knew I wanted to be a Marriage and Family Therapist; not a teacher. But, it wasn't the time for that, it was time to teach.
I still remember the phone call I had with Kelly right after her interview at Agoura. She told me that they asked her her favorite novels. Crap, I don't read! Well, not for fun anyway. In college I was assigned to read
A Child Called It , I loved it, "I'll use that one" I thought. But what else? They want THREE!!! Kelly used
To Kill A Mockingbird , so I did too. And honestly, I don't remember what I picked for the third.
When I walked out of that interview, I thought there was no way they would give me the job. Kelly was much more qualified, afterall, I was a Sociology major, not English. You can imagine my surprise when I got the call.
Then to top it off, when I failed the last section of the CSET, they kept me. They didn't let me go. They helped me get my Emergency Credential so I could continue teaching while I prepared to take the exam again.
Agoura became my life. Andrew and I were newlyweds and so we went to work in the morning, the gym in the afternoon, and home for dinner. It was a nice life. And simple life. I would go on walks in the evenings, on the beach, with Jena. Andrew would go play this or that. Life was good.
Then Jackson came. What was I going to do - there was no way we could make it without my income. Andrew was scheduled to graduate shortly before Jackson's arrival, there's no way could do it.
We were so blessed to have family step in to care for Jackson. I went part-time so I was only gone every other day, but man going back was SO hard emotionally. But we all adjusted. I got Jackson on a schedule and he totally adapted to my leaving. But then, it became too much for our parents. They would have to drive an hour to our house to watch him ALL DAY. And now, with me being pregnant, there would be two kids. It was a lot.
I thought maybe I wouldn't go back. Hmmm. But then we were swimming one day when I got the call. Sherry was asking me to come and teach only 40%. This would mean I could leave later in the morning and still get home about 4pm. This is what we needed. So I did, and I have for two years.
But a few months ago I received a letter in my box. It was a request, just as we get every year, to put in my schedule request for 2010-2011. I knew it. I knew it then that I shouldn't go back. My kids are getting older and they need me now. Before when they had two naps a day, it was easy to leave them. But they were changing, everything was changing. It was too much for everyone involved. I wasn't able to give me all here, or in my classroom. It wasn't fair to anyone. BUT, how could I leave? How can we afford it? How will I stay sane? HOW??? The paper sat in my bag for weeks - it look destroyed the day it was due.
I prayed all the way to school that day. Asking, searching, for some sort of conformation to the feelings I already had. I remember the peace I felt. Man, I remember it in my mind, but how I long for that feeling everyday! I knew it - I filled it out, turned it in, and freaked out. What had I done?
Andrew has been so confident through all of this. He knows it will be a struggle and we don't know where we'd be without the help of so many loved ones. But, it's worth it. It's worth it for me to have a chance to be the sole caretaker of my children. To help teach them and love them and hopefully shape them to be incredible people.
So as I sit here, I know what I am doing is right, but it still hurts. It's still hard to say good-bye. And I know it isn't all because of Agoura. There are other things in my life that make it hard to move forward right now. I feel like we have moved and have to start from scratch, but we're still here, surrounded by memories. Memories that make it difficult to move forward.
So, here's to one more look at the past before I suck it up and move forward! I don't have all the pictures from Agoura, but here are a few I found:
2006
2007
2009
Before I get to 2010, I had to have my final sushi lunch with Jenn and Lisa. These lunches sometimes SAVED my week. I love these girls so much and I would have hated to go through my years at AHS without them. This is why this particular lunch was not good-bye!
2010
I had a few difficult students this year, but when all is said and done, you still learn to love em. It was also such a blessing to have John join me for this last semester. After Fall Semester, I knew something had to be done, I knew it was too difficult balancing my life between home and work. John helped make it possible. Although, it would probably be easier to leave if it didn't all end so smoothly.
Andrew was planning on coming to Agoura on my last day, Tuesday, to help me pack up my classroom. But when John suggested that we get the kids to bring down all my boxes, I had to admit it was brilliant. They did an amazing job. They were panting, sweating, running, but each of them with a smile. "What else do you need Mrs. Anderson?". I just love them.
After I said good-bye to my last sixth period, it was a mad rush to the office to run the scantrons. Then off to the library to figure, enter, and print grades. Then back to my room to try to gather the remainder of my stuff.
But what kept me from getting everything done, was the love I have for a student. I have had this student for two years and he's one of those that just grabs ya. You can't put it into words, but some kids so easily make their way into your heart. This kid has done just that.
But, for his last assignment, he revealed something I will never forget. He is the son of an alcholic. He has seen things of his mother no child should ever see. I had to do something. I had to talk to his counselor. The problem was, this was 15 minutes before my last department meeting/lunch. But it didn't matter, I had to do something for the sake of him and his little sister.
I can say now I think he will be ok. I think he will be taken care of. I pray he will be safe and will live a good life despite his mother.
How appropriate that this is what took place my last day. It truly does sum up my job!
So, there I was, ready to say good-bye to all those that have molded me in some way. Not only as a teacher, but as a person. When I first started teaching at Agoura, the English Department really was a family. Things have changed over the years but they are all still very important to me.
The department gave me fabulous gloves, a butler broom, and a delicious candle. But what stands out the most is so very appropriate in this time of my life. As I have been pondering and missing friendships and as I now I have to leave behind my Agoura friends, and as I strive to make new friends, I truly do love the last gift they gave me. The sign says, "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget.". I will never forget my Agoura friends.
As we were leaving lunch, Alan said, "Rachel, you truly are family!".
Because I have never before participated in Agoura's Graduation, I knew I needed to take this last opportunity to do so. Luckily, I was able to borrow a gown from Lisa and Becky was able to babysit the kids. It really was wonderful being able to do this. BUT, I have to say it made my leaving that much harder on me. Seriously, you look around and see all these kids, kids I had as sophomores, that are now grown and ready to go to college, it's such an experience. It's so emotional. In a way, you feel the pride and joy their parents feel. I am sure for the parents it is much, much more, but you look and see the faces of those that struggled, those that changed your classroom, those that taught you something, those that you thought would never make it, those that made your life so much easier; all of which made an impact on you, the teacher. It's not an easy thing to give up!
Because the last day of finals was so chaotic, I wasn't able to fully check-out. If you don't check-out, you don't get paid. So yes, going back to Agoura was a priority.
So the morning after graduation, I drove to Agoura one last time. But this time, I had the kids with me. Actually, it was nice to have them, sitting and playing in the world I was leaving behind. The world I am leaving behind for them. So as they sat in the desks, in the room, that holds so much meaning for me, I was able to reflect on how these little bodies mean so much more.
Although I would have preferred to save that gas, it really was nice to have time to sit, reflect, and ponder. I got to look around, enjoy the view from my classroom, simply take it all in ONE LAST TIME.
You know when you look back at your life and you can recall on those moments, days, months, years, that have truly shaped you. This point will be one of them. I am trying. I am struggling. I am doing my best. But it's hard when you feel like all is changing around you and you have no control. Really, it's an awful attitude to have because I know I am blessed.
God has given me some wonderful friends that are so very thoughtful and kind. He has blessed me with a man that gives me anything I want and does all he can to make my day better. He has blessed us with health and strength. He has given me experiences to rely upon when I feel like we're so deep in the hole. He has given us family close-by, family that will never let us fall. He has given us hope, love, charity, faith. We are blessed and I need to remember that. When I look around and see my dirty house, when I see people leaving me in the dust, when I see a high school campus I yearn for, when I see our bills, when I see the negative, I need to turn it around and realize it's a time to grow, it's a time to come closer to God.
This is our time - some of the most difficult times are the most important. To me, being a stay-at-home mom is the most difficult job out there. These women truly are amazing.
Two days ago Jackson said our lunch prayer. He thanked God "for mom to be home". Wow. The next day he did ask me to go to work so I could get money for McDonald's, but I'll try to focus on the prayer :)
“Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love.” -Mildred B. Vermont
Andi and Jackson truly enjoyed their morning bath and really, there aren't too many things better than hearing the children laugh; like belly laugh!
But with some hugs, kisses, and "I'm Sorry", we all moved on. I mean after all, I had a great night the night before, pedi (thanks mom) and book club, AND, we were off to the free movies! I was determined to make it a good day!
And it has been! The kids did SO well at the movies today. We began in the front, we had Ryan's glasses, we had more snacks and water - things were good! And I think Andi especially liked Ice Age because of all the animals!
The goodness didn't end there. We came home and the kids had fish sticks and then were off to bed. All three were asleep within ten minutes. Jackson just woke up but the other two are asleep. I guess this explains my blogging marathong huh :)
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